It came out of no where, it hit me by surprise yet when I think it all through now, everything was perfectly lined up to reach this point. In a way only the God of the universe, the God of all, The Alpha & Omega could orchestrate….
I had progressively begun getting frustrated, with what it is I am meant to do, as expressed in my previous blog post “Where to from here?”. I wanted more, I didn’t want normal or average and oh man God is answering that request in a way I NEVER anticipated. BE mindful of what you ask for, be sure of it for when it is given to you, you best be prepared to accept it.
Suddenly over about 3 weeks, my master’s thesis hit a brick wall & was not moving anywhere, my supervisor suddenly wasn’t responding to my emails which was really strange considering how good our communication had always been. I felt as if my life was frozen, nothing was moving forward, nothing was moving at all! My frustration had hit an all time high, it caused me to press in even harder and eventually ended up with a 3 hour meeting/brainstorming session with one of my Pastor’s at my church. I remember him looking at me after I’d stated my case and all my frustrations, my wants, my passion and said very simply and confidently,
“Usually I’m a bit worried about saying this to people but I know that this is what God is telling me to say to you so I say it with full confidence…you need to go to Bible school.”
My initial response? “uhm no I don’t think it’s that. I have no desire to go do another undergraduate degree. God told me to do my Master’s, that’s what I need to do and want to do.” We continued to talk and talk , the more we did, the more things started making sense and the more the picture began becoming clearer to me. And then I found out the game changing information….. I could enroll for a Master’s in Theology at Bible school without having a related undergraduate degree and the qualification is recognized at all South African universities as well as in the USA as the institution is an accredited American institution as well. I could still lecture at university level with the qualification as I’ve wanted to and I could still go into PhD study in my field regardless of what I did my Master’s degree on. Mind blown.
I left that meeting with a clearer view but a very daunting instruction. Bible school? Really? Never in my wildest imagination have I ever thought of doing that, it has never been a goal of mine or even a consideration and suddenly here it is right in front of me. I decided that I needed confirmation before I would make any definite decisions as wisdom needed to be exercised even more now. My confirmations came within the following 3 days, it was insane. My parents supported whatever I would choose to do, and then I got 2 emails from my university saying 1. That I had not received a bursary for my MSc degree and 2. I needed to submit my proposal by the end of the month in order to still be able to finish by the end of the year. That was impossible seeing as my supervisor is yet to respond to any of my emails. Doors at university were literally being shut without my control.
Whilst researching the Bible School, I saw that their closing date for applications was March 15th. I was a month too late for applications! I’ll admit, I hit a slight panic, how could God turn my life upside down like this only to have me wait another year before I could answer His call. I emailed them asking if there would be any possibility of me still being able to apply and register for this current year (They advise applicants to apply a year in advance as placement is limited). After I sent that email, I just knew I was in. I knew I’d be doing this now and not later because God’s timing is perfect even when it seems like ‘too slow’ or ‘too late’, God comes in and reminds us that only He is the author of time.
Two days later I got an email saying that they will make a exception for me, and would like me to send through my application asap. What?!! An exception for someone they do not know anything about, just like that? An exception?! Well yes, because that’s called Favour 😉 So I immediately got onto my 6 page application essay and all necessary paperwork.
I realised that, that was the easy part. Do you know what’s been the harder part? The look of disapproval I’ve gotten from some people when I’ve told them what I’m doing. The change from a look of pride as they ask me how my thesis is coming along to a look of confusion and questions which insinuate that I’m being stupid in making this change as I explain it to them. It’s been tough, it’s made me not want to tell people because I quickly got tired of having to explain myself or justify my decision until God did this…..
1. He showed me how many people I have in my life who support me no matter what, who believe in me and trust me to make the right choices. People who encourage me to pray and pray for me and who are completely content with my response of “it’s what God wants me to do and it’s what I want to do for Him now”. He sent the people who got so excited as I told them that they hi-fived me and told me how amazing it is and how proud they are of my obedience and reminded me of how much they believe in me. Those people built me up.
2. God then reminded me of the story of Moses. How He gave Moses the instruction that he would lead the Israelite’s out of slavery. Moses said to God, what is meant to tell the people when he goes back down the mountain? They won’t believe him, he’s just an average man, what is he meant to say? And God said, Moses, all you need to say is this.. I AM has sent me. And then it hit me, the God of everything, the Great I AM the healer,protector, father, guide, shield and so much much more had spoken and that was all Moses needed to know. He needed to know who it is he was listening to.
So as I go through the process of registering for a new degree, a decision that I know I have not fully grasped the weight of just yet, I can confidently, yet humbly say,
The Great I AM has sent me into this new season & journey and I wait expectantly for what it will produce.
Never for even one second feel ashamed of that which God has placed in your hand no matter how big or small . For the Great I AM has seen you fit to be trusted with His message 🙂